At the church were Ben and I were married, we were required to take pre marriage classes. Now being that I was several months along in my pregnancy and juggling prenatal classes and pre marriage classes it seemed a bit much at first. I now realize this was vital to the ups and downs of the coming years. Our classes were taught by Pastor Greg Massanari, a father figure to both Ben and myself. A loving man with a wonderful wife, he had many great things to offer in our class.
It was one single, simple statement that he said in one of these classes that has stuck with me for years and it is advice that I have given to many of my friends facing ups and downs of new relationships. Well here it is… never say the “D” word. Divorce. Never say it, never threaten it. Many times in the heat of an argument, couples often say “Well if you don’t like it, why don’t you just leave!” or “If you’re gonna be like that, then why don’t we just get a divorce!” Most times, once they calm down, they know they didn’t mean what they just said. I have found in my own marriage that threatening it, even joking about it makes it a reality or a possibility.
For many couples I know, threatening to leave or actually doing so after an argument is a common theme. It becomes habit. It is hurtful and a last resort for getting a “dig” in. Name calling is just as bad. When you have nothing left to say, are getting no where in the conversation or just want to hurt the other person because they hurt you… don’t resort to name calling. It’s easier said than done, believe me. But with discipline and practice, removing both name calling and threats of leaving will remove so much stress from your relationship. Don’t believe me? Try it for a month, after that commit to six months, a year… I stand by this 100%.
If you don’t say it, don’t threaten it… it’s not an option. No matter how bad an argument is between us, we know that we can “have it out” without worry of this being the conversation that ended our marriage.